Showing posts with label bad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Trailer Trash: Dark Skies


            Horror is hard.  You want to scare the audience, and you don’t want to go the torture porn/slasher route.  Judging by the trailer, “Dark Skies”goes for the haunted house/possession subgenre.  But don’t expect  “Dark Skies” to be the next  Shining or Exorcist.  I saw the following trailer in theaters yesterday:


            You know your horror movie is broken when the audience laughs at the previews as much as they did at the screening I attended.  What starts out as a standard (if a bit clichĂ©) horror movie set up quickly takes a turn for the comic when Mrs. Barret (played by Felicity star Keri Russel) finds her husband (played by 1992 daytime emmy winner Josh Hamilton) standing unresponsive in the family’s backyard at night.   She approaches as J. K. Simmons’s voice-over warns them about strange behavior and loss of control.  She places her hand on her husband’s shoulder, turns to face him and sees…


            It only gets sillier from there, as moments later we see Keri Russel banging her head against a glass window with complete disinterest.


     On the bright side, it will probably be funnier than A Haunted House.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

"The Room" Explained

While most people like the room because of the horrible acting, stupid story, and overall horribleness, it actually tells a very subtle story that you can only find by reading between the lines:


Claudette is the head of a drug syndicate.  Everyone except for Johnny and Denny are aware and/or  involved in this.  Lisa is in a relationship with Johnny so that she can use his connections at the bank to launder money.  She was forced into the relationship by Claudette, who values the success of her business over her daughter’s well-being, which is why Lisa doesn’t just leave Johnny nor does Claudette get upset when she’s told that Johnny hit her.

            The phrase “breast cancer” is actually code for an informant close to the heart of the operation and Claudette is worried that the house is bugged.  This fear is later given weight by the tape recorder Johnny uses to spy on Lisa.  The informant is, in fact, Peter. The syndicate members start to suspect him, as evidenced by Mark holding him over the edge of a building.  In Peter’s final scene, they all change into tuxedos.  This is because Mark wants to make sure he is not wearing a wire.  When Peter is driven off by the taunting, Mark follows and kills him.

            The scene with the drug dealer on the roof is especially important because this isn’t one of Claudette’s dealers.  Claudette and Lisa are worried that someone is trying to make a move on their turf by coming after someone close to them.  Despite Johnny’s wishes, Mark convinces him not to call the police and takes care of it himself. 

            Mike and Michelle (the couple that have the chocolate and blowjob scene early on) are near the top of the organization.  They are responsible for collecting the money from everyone beneath them, and pop in to Lisa’s house sporadically to drop it off.    Mark is the enforcer, and Lisa is heir to the top position. This is why Mark is able to meet Lisa and Johnny at any time of the day.  It is also why they never have to pay at the cafĂ©, which is just a front for their illicit business.

            The photograph of the spoon and overall lack of personal effects in Johnny and Lisa’s house is due to Lisa’s inability to settle down in one spot.  She was raised in a volatile and violent environment in which she would have to move at a moment’s notice and leave everything behind.  Her inability to maintain a sense of normalcy includes her relationship with Johnny, whom she doesn’t love and is being forced by her mother to stay with.  She starts sleeping with Mark to take control of her own life and hopes that Johnny will find out and leave her.

            Mark’s feelings towards Lisa are more complex.  He has legitimately come to like Johnny, but he doesn’t want to upset Lisa because he is afraid of Claudette.  He does eventually develop feelings for Lisa, if only because of her position of power within the syndicate. 

            At the party, the character Steven is introduced.  After Peter was killed, Johnny’s tape recorder was discovered, leading Claudette to believe that there was another traitor.  Steven’s job was to find out who in the syndicate could be trusted. 

            When Lisa sees that Johnny was the one tapping the phone and he was just trying to see if she was cheating on him, she realizes that she can use this to make Claudette get rid of him.  She calls Mark, partly because she wants to see him, partly to spite Johnny.  This sends Johnny into a rage, ending with his suicide.  At finding his body, Mark flees before the police arrive.  While Lisa will always be bent to her mother’s will, she is at least free of the relationship she was forced into.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Stop with the Awful Christmas Music!

I work in a super market, and since it's December, all the annoying Top 40 muzac has been replaced with Christmas music.  And it needs to stop.  Ignoring the fact that most Christmas music is just the same ten songs "re-imagined" by a million different artists, the songs are particularly infuriating.  Answer me this:  Why don't we listen to Christmas music in June or August or anytime that's not near Christmas?  Because it's fucking awful!
And it wouldn't be so bad if radio stations/stores/everyone just threw in the occasional Christmas song to the standard mix, but they feel that they have to play Christmas music EXCLUSIVELY!  And I say enough is enough.  We need to stop catering to the 1% of people who actively enjoy Christmas music so much that the idea of not hearing it all fucking day is intolerable.  We need to cast off our shackles, stand proud, and say, "I don't care about Rudolph, or Frosty, or Jingle Bells.  I don't care who Santa's watching, or who's watching Santa kissing their mom.  I am the 99%, and I am sick of Christmas music."