So You Think You Know American History?

            Did you know that George Washington wasn’t the first person to hold the office of President of the United States of America?  It’s true.  You see, Washington was elected under the Constitution, which wasn’t ratified until 1789.  Between 1781 and 1789, the government operated under the Articles of Confederation, under which a president was appointed for a single one-year term.  There were seven presidents appointed this way, the first of which was a man named John Hanson.  Not only was none of this mentioned in my American History class, but the textbook (which focused on American history from colonial times through the Civil War) never even mentioned the name John Hanson.  Not once in the entire textbook. 

            In the late 1700’s and early 1800’s, there was a horticulturist named John Chapman.  He was an early conservationist, vegetarian, and Swedenborgian missionary.  Also a businessman, he planted nurseries on what was then the frontier, which, due to complexities in claim-staking law, was a big help to homesteaders.  If you were to picture John Chapman, all you’d see is an oddly dressed man dropping apple seeds into the dirt behind him as he walked.  That’s all anyone cares to remember about him.

            Thomas Nast, a political cartoonist, created the Republican Elephant.  He did not, as many believe, create the Democratic Donkey, although his use of it did make it popular.  The modern image of Santa Claus was also created by Nast, despite what you’ve heard about Coca-Cola advertising campaigns.  Although, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was created as part of an advertising campaign for Montgomery Ward. 

            When everyone sings “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the seventh inning stretch, they are only singing the chorus.  There are two more verses.  The tune to the Star Spangled Banner is that of  “The Anacreontic Song,” a popular drinking song developed by the Anacreon Club, a gentlemen’s club devoted to music.  The Star Spangled Banner has five verses, and includes the lines:

                        Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
                        No refuge could save the hireling and slave
                        From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave

            What you don’t know is often far more interesting than what you think you do.  There’s a reason people say ‘The truth is stranger than fiction.’

4 Things You Didn't Know Had Sequels

#4 Lola by The Kinks

This is arguably the Kinks’ most famous song.  It’s a first person story about a nervous protagonist with no experience with women who, at a “club down in North SoHo” is picked up by the eponymous Lola, who is a transvestite.  Ray Davies, who wrote the song (released in 1970), says that it was based on an actual encounter between the band manager and a transvestite.

The Sequel: Destroyer by The Kinks

Released in 1981, Destroyer picks up where Lola left off, as the protagonist is wracked with paranoia upon bringing Lola back to his place.

#3 The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas

Published in chapters in 1844, The Three Musketeers is one the most famous novels of the Romantic Period.  Even people who know nothing about the book's story, characters, or background, know the famous line, “All for one, one for all!”

The Sequels: Twenty Years After, The Vicomte de Bragelonne, Louise de la Vallière, and The Man in the Iron Mask.

Published one year after The Three Musketeers, Twenty Years After takes place (spoiler) twenty years after the events of the first book.  The series is often considered a trilogy, because the last three books were published serially (1847-1850) as one volume, despite each part being a similar length to the original novel.

#2 Space Oddity by David Bowie

Released in 1969, Space Oddity is one of Bowie’s biggest hits, and the success of the single led to his second album being titled Space Oddity.  Simply put, it tells the story of an astronaut (Major Tom) who loses contact with ground control and control of his ship.

The Sequel: Major Tom (Coming Home) by Peter Schilling

Originally released only in German (1983), it was recorded and released in English about ten months later.  A quintessential ‘80s song, Major Tom (Coming Home) tells the story of (spoiler) Major Tom coming home. As an interesting side-note, both Space Oddity and Major Tom (Coming Home) were covered for Lincoln commercials.

#1 Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

First published in 1884, Huckleberry Finn is considered by many (including myself) to be one of the greatest pieces of American literature.  The sequel to The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn follows the fate of the titular character, a child from the pre-civil war deep south, as he flees from his abusive father with the help of Jim, a runaway slave.

The Sequels: Tom Sawyer Abroad; Tom Sawyer, Detective

Published in 1894 and 1896, respectively, Tom Sawyer Abroad and Tom Sawyer, Detective, were widely considered to be far inferior to the original two books.  The first takes place just after the conclusion of Huckleberry Finn, and features Huck, Tom, and Jim, sent to Africa in a bizarre hot-air balloon, where they have many confusing adventures.  Tom Sawyer, Detective has Huck Finn playing Watson to Sawyer’s Sherlock Holmes, as he narrates Tom Sawyer (spoiler) being a detective.

Germany, Japan, and Italy: A study in music videos, linguistics, and insanity

Some nations do things better than others.  The Swiss make the best watches and army knives, the Belgians make the best chocolate, the Japanese make the best robotics, and the Colombians grow the best coffee.  But when it comes to culture things get weird.  Take Germany for instance.  While they have their own celebrities, one of ours is more popular there than here.  His name is David Hasselhoff and in Germany he's a famous singer.  Here's an official music video that makes full use of mid-90's shopping mall technology and the "Mad-Lib" style story-boarding:

This is, in a word, batshit insane.

But for true, mind-numbing insanity, we have to go to Japan.  It is with great reluctance that I subject you to: Pon Pon -

That video somehow managed to hit a point of diminishing returns on craziness.  

And this final video isn't crazy in the traditional sense.  It asks the question, "What does English sound like to someone who doesn't speak English?"  The answer is apparently quite catchy.  Here's Prisencolinensinainciusol.

Stop with the Awful Christmas Music!

I work in a super market, and since it's December, all the annoying Top 40 muzac has been replaced with Christmas music.  And it needs to stop.  Ignoring the fact that most Christmas music is just the same ten songs "re-imagined" by a million different artists, the songs are particularly infuriating.  Answer me this:  Why don't we listen to Christmas music in June or August or anytime that's not near Christmas?  Because it's fucking awful!
And it wouldn't be so bad if radio stations/stores/everyone just threw in the occasional Christmas song to the standard mix, but they feel that they have to play Christmas music EXCLUSIVELY!  And I say enough is enough.  We need to stop catering to the 1% of people who actively enjoy Christmas music so much that the idea of not hearing it all fucking day is intolerable.  We need to cast off our shackles, stand proud, and say, "I don't care about Rudolph, or Frosty, or Jingle Bells.  I don't care who Santa's watching, or who's watching Santa kissing their mom.  I am the 99%, and I am sick of Christmas music."

Because if there's one thing the internet needs more of...It's cats.

I'll try to avoid posting cute pictures of my animals from now on, but I might as well now.  So, squeal at the feline cuteness citizens of the web.  It's one of the many things you do well, and one of the few I can mention on an SFW blog.

That's Cleo

...and Lilith

... And Tramp.

As a thanks for putting up with me posting pictures of cats, here's a bit of Youtube nostalgia for you:

(SPOILERS: It involves cats!)